500 New Things to Get Hyper-Focused on Now that the FDA Has Declared an Adderall Shortage

In October 2022 the FDA announced a national shortage of Adderall stemming from a labor shortage at Teva Pharmaceuticals, the largest drug manufacturer in the world. This may seem scary, but don’t worry! You’re not alone! As the year starts to wind down, now is a great time to suddenly be trapped in your house with ever-growing To Do lists.

“It’s the perfect time for me to start training for the Olympics,” said Stephanie Dunnigan, 32. “Between that and my plans for recreating the Sistine Chapel in Minecraft, I should be set.”

Last year there were 41.4 million Adderall prescriptions dispensed to Americans, the vast majority of whom will shortly be ping-ponging from task to task until they collapse from exhaustion.

“When I first heard the news, I was scared. I have two kids to look after and a lot of responsibility on this upcoming work project … But after a few days I realized that it’s been a long time since I arranged every book I own by color,” explained Arthur Santos, 41. His wife could not be reached for comment.

Psychiatrists have also felt the pressure of this shortage. “I’ve tried mindfulness techniques with my patients, with varying degrees of success, but I am also part of the 5% of adults who have ADHD and I’ve got to tell you … it’s been rough,” one psychiatrist said before staring blankly at her phone for 40 minutes.

The shortage is expected to course-correct within the first quarter of the new year, but in the meantime you should definitely start baking bread, or open a bakery, or maybe go to business school, or …

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