Disabled Entrepreneur Achieves Life Goal of Killing James Bond

Victor Nox made headlines this week after the killing of MI6 agent James Bond, but as we all know, he’s a man used to making headlines. He founded Nox Industries as a young man and has grown the business into a multibillion-dollar operation in just a few years. “I’m a self-made man. And I’m not just talking about the hands.” Victor Nox flourishes his prosthetics with a self-deprecating laugh. Victor is a stunning example of representation in a field that has seen painfully little. We sat down with Nox in his hollowed-out volcano lair to talk about the ingredients that guarantee success.

“Persistence,” he shrugs. “That’s all.” Despite the occasional mad cackle, Victor hides a well of suffering — not just from the loss of both arms in a childhood accident, but from multiple tragic deaths of many close friends, business rivals and half a dozen girlfriends. “Trapped in an industrial oven, eaten by sharks, accidentally manacling themselves to a pool of steadily rising water … Tragedy has been a constant companion.”

But Nox recently dodged further tragedy after the death of an intruder on his island getaway who was subsequently outed as MI6 agent James Bond. Nox talks of the incident with melancholy. “He just stumbled drunkenly into our R&D lab slurring sexist comments and slapping any bottom within arm’s reach. When he pulled his gun out, well, security did what they had to.” Despite a coroner’s report declaring Mr. Bond’s cause of death as “multiple shark bites,” Victor is confident that any investigation will “be resolved … thoroughly.”

On the subject of his staff, Nox points out he has recruited a record number of disabled employees. “It seems the British government sees an employer of disabled people as a threat to national security,” Nox scoffs. “All that nonsense about me reshaping the global map with a targeted sequence of missile strikes is a pure fabrication.”

While MI6 has not publicly responded, their obituary for Commander Bond was oddly glowing, describing him as “a fine intelligence officer whose many achievements were worth all the sexual harassment lawsuits.”

Despite the blaring alarm bells sounding off around us, Victor generously continued our interview in the lair’s launch control room. “I’m just glad to have built a business that employs so many disabled workers.” He nods sagely before ordering the countdown to begin. His mission statement is clear, even above the sound of surface-to-air missiles taking off. “Whether you’re an amputee, have a genetic condition or a facial disfigurement, there’ll always be a job for you as a henchman at Nox Industries!”

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