How to Politely Tell Your Friend Their Event Is Not Worth Your Spoons

Local student Julie Baker would have loved to celebrate her best friend Lyla Ford’s birthday. However, Ford’s party just didn’t sound fun enough to justify the number of spoons it would have cost Baker to attend.

“She wanted to rewatch all five ‘Twilight’ movies,” Baker, who has ME/CFS, told The Squeaky Wheel. “I have a migraine just thinking about it.”

To top it off, Baker would have had to drive half an hour to Ford’s apartment, where she would have been forced to decode confusing parking signs while streetlights burned through her photophobia glasses — a high cost for a boring activity.

It was clear to Baker that she should save her spoons and do something better with her time. Perhaps she could tackle the pile of laundry that had been accumulating in her bedroom for three weeks. But how was she going to break the news to her friend?

We asked Olivia Watson, a chronic illness expert with over twenty years of experience canceling plans, to weigh in. “If you find yourself in a similar situation, I suggest resorting to the simple but classic text response: ‘Sounds fun, but just not feeling up to it.’ This method allows you to be honest about your limited spoons while avoiding telling your friend that watching 607 minutes of a teen vampire franchise sounds like voluntarily entering the seventh level of hell.”

Unfortunately for Baker, a simple text wasn’t enough to satisfy Ford, who proceeded to ask a series of questions about how Baker was doing, robbing her of the spoons she was trying to save. “Sometimes I wish she wasn’t such a good friend,” Baker admitted.

The Squeaky Wheel requested a follow-up comment from Baker, who didn’t respond — probably because she was lying in a dark room with an ice pack. Rumor has it that her laundry pile remains untouched.

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