Lying Phlebotomist Swears He’ll ‘Get the Vein’ This Time

FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Roger Lawrence came swooping into the hospital room, his wavy hair brushing past the IV machine in the corner. Grinning sadistically, he held a needle in his hand as he prepared to demonstrate his skills as a licensed phlebotomist.

Less enthusiastic was Carrie Hartman, the patient who could see right past Lawrence’s web of lies. 

“I knew this guy was just like the rest of them when he entered the room,” Hartman said. “When he came to draw blood, he had the audacity to say that he could get a vein on the first try. How gullible does he think I am?”

As Lawrence rolled up his sleeves, he assured Hartman that he was a professional and that she had nothing to worry about. Hartman emphasized that she has terrible veins and that bloodwork has never been a smooth process for her.

“No vein is too much for me to handle,” Lawrence said as he flexed his muscles and took a selfie for his Instagram. 

From there, Lawrence commenced torturing Hartman for the next 45 minutes. Each needle prick was rhythmic, like tapping keys on a piano.  

“I swear I’ll get it this time!” Lawrence said with sweat pouring down his face, on his 18th attempt to draw blood from Hartman. 

Despite being a lying hack with only two months of experience, Lawrence finally showed mercy after 27 failed attempts, right as Hartman was about to pass out. 

“OK, just wait here,” Lawrence said as he set the needle down. “I’ll get the nurse to change your catheter and bring you some water. We’ll try again in an hour, and I’m sure we’ll be good by then.”  

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