New Middle School Addition Is Fully ADA Accessible Except for a Few Staircases and that One Hallway Completely Filled with Strobe Lights

In accordance with federal policy and a few accessibility tips found in an Instagram story, the new wing of Franklin D. Roosevelt Middle School has been completed and is fully ADA compliant, other than a couple things.

A state-of-the-art elevator costing $40,000 sits atop the wing’s “inclusivity staircase,” which celebrates different oppressed minority groups on each step.

Some parents have complained not only about the inclusivity staircase, but about the short flight of steps leading into the school’s new cafeteria. When asked about the cafeteria’s inaccessibility and how students using wheelchairs could access lunch, superintendent John Hickinson replied, “We have added our cafeteria to Postmates, so food can be brought directly to them in the hallway. This collaboration with Postmates also provides our teachers with much-needed supplementary income.”

In addition to the staircase controversy, parents of students with light sensitivities including epilepsy are outraged by the new disco extension. This addition to the end of the main classroom hallway is equipped with over 400 always-active strobe lights. When asked about the purpose of the disco extension, Hickinson told us, “We really just liked the flashing lights and thought it was fun, so we did it. It’s not so much that we really needed the massive collection of arena-grade lighting equipment, but we couldn’t figure out a better way to use our budget, and just kinda thought it’d be neat.”

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