After watching a single World Cup match, accountant Jenny Wellman has been inspired to do her daily physical therapy exercises for the first time in weeks.
“I don’t know anything about soccer, but I turned on tonight’s match to see what the excitement was about,” Wellman said. “With our first narrowly missed goal, I became an entirely new person. I was patriotic. I was energized. The Beautiful Game became my whole world.”
After two hours of yelling passionately at the TV and thoughtfully nodding along to postgame analysis, Wellman felt motivated enough to take on the fifteen minutes of stretches assigned by her physical therapist.
“I think I caught secondhand athleticism,” Wellman said. “I somehow absorbed these women’s boundless determination through the screen. For the first time in a while, I was able to push through each of the tedious exercises designed to target my biggest weaknesses. I might have to go in for round two, just to make up for missing the last few weeks.”
“Whatever works,” said Wellman’s physical therapist about her patient’s sudden interest in her treatment. “Unfortunately for Jenny’s progress, our team got knocked out in the round of 16. Maybe we can forge a loyalty to a different country, keep this streak going?”
Unsurprisingly, the late-night bout of spirited overexertion threw off Wellman’s carefully planned routine, leaving her in a sore, grumpy fog for the next two days.
“I’ll leave the athletic prowess to the professionals for now,” Wellman said. “But I heard Simone Biles is competing again. Maybe when she dominates at the Olympics next year, I’ll find that spark again.”