You made it through another year, which means you're one year closer to not having to hear “you're too young to be disabled” anymore. Congratulations! To get you inspired for the year ahead, here are your 2024 horoscopes:
Aries – Good news for your disability aid technology: There won't be any Mercury retrograde this month messing with your communications. As the sun enters Scorpio, you'll stop putting up walls and step, or roll, into your vulnerability to tell people, “No, I haven't cut out gluten, and I don't intend to.” So brave!
Taurus – With Venus entering Libra, at least three people will tell you “I don't think of you as disabled” in the first month of the year. But things will look up as we close in on Virgo season, when you'll be able to convince your insurance to cover three more months of lifesaving medication.
Gemini – Sick of having to find wheelchair-accessible entrances down back alleys and behind dumpsters? Good news! Your star chart shows that, with the new moon in Scorpio, your family reunion will be held at a banquet hall with a front wheelchair entrance. The bathroom WILL be downstairs, but part of Gemini season is knowing you can't have it all!
Cancer – With fiery Mars as your ruling planet, this is a year of change for you. We feel it. You really are going to try eating raw onions with lemon juice every morning. Who knows? It may just cure your spinal cord injury!
Leo – Hey, at least it's not cancer, am I right? But tough news for those in Leo: With Mercury ramming into Saturn, there's no hope that your office will implement a healthcare plan that covers your medications this year. Better luck in 2025!
Virgo – With the sun opposing Mercury, your rizz levels will be at an all-time high. Get ready to hear “it's a shame you're in a wheelchair when you're so stylish” a lot. What a year ahead!
Libra – Saturn is interfering with your plans, but that's okay. It's time to go to new places and try new things, like an eating disorder loosely veiled as a juice cleanse!
Scorpio – With Scorpio as your ruling sign, you may face some rejection this year … with your disability benefits. Your love life still has a chance!
Sagittarius – Venus is entering Libra, and you feel like you need to break free. Follow unknown roads, and go where the skies take you. Don't worry about accessibility; manifest your own path. After all, there are no wheelchairs in dreams! (We haven't fact-checked this, but we're pretty sure that's right.)
Capricorn – It finally happened: Mercury is in retrograde in your month. Get ready for communication breakdowns, like your pharmacist refusing to fill your prescription because “it's only meant for short-term use.”
Aquarius – Mars is opposite Uranus, which means big things for all you Crohn's and colitis sufferers. Get ready for several months of bad flare-ups. Or are you just a hypochondriac? We'll never know!
Pisces – The full moon is in Gemini, which makes March a pretty relaxed month. So go on: Skip out on work, and blame it on your disability. That's what your boss thinks you do, anyway. Don't feel the need to fill your day of hooky with anything productive; people will be inspired by your very existence!